Love and Separation

In the past, I’ve written about the drug like effects of love. When I wrote that, it was from a retrospective viewpoint based on my prior experience but while single.

Now I find myself in love again, with a fantastic woman, and it’s interesting to be just a little bit more aware of the psychological stuff that goes on. The warm feeling of love, the companionship, and the equality.

However, there have also been the less pleasant effects. For instance, I’ve noticed that after spending a lot of time with my partner, and then going to a period of her absence, the day after I feel listless and generally down. “Of course” you say, “that’s what it’s like, you miss your partner when you’re apart!”. I understand that, and I don’t want to be indifferent to when the next time I’ll see her will be. It’s nice looking forward to spending time with someone. At the same time however, I wish the physiological effects were not so real, because they don’t actually contribute to my mental health as far as I can tell. After the initial down, I fortunately remember that I really appreciate and enjoy my time alone and get to work on a variety of fantastic and interesting projects. Time as an individual cements the concept of my independent self, which I think is important, so that when I spend more time with my partner I have more to offer.

In fact, she’s expressed similar ideas, but from a different angle. Bringer together two whole people is more amazing than seeking yourself in or minimising yourself for another.


#1   James MM on 07.22.09 at 4:37 pm

“Time as an individual cements the concept of my independent self…so that when I spend more time with my partner I have more to offer.”

Agreed. I am fully aware that I need time away from not just my romantic partner, but anyone to whom I feel a strong bond. I get [insert named]-ed out if I spend too much time with one person, and I think it’s because I put so much of my mental and spiritual energy into maintaining my more valued relationships.
However I also recognise that I am still learning what that actually means, and what effect it can have on the other person as an individual.

And to your last statement, I agree again, and will rephrase it in my own way: One person is strong and powerful, but still flawed. Two people equal twice the strengths, and half the weaknesses. I believe it’s an exponential relationship.
And, if that’s not happening, then perhaps there’s an imbalance in the equation.

It’s all about balance. (And math, apparently.)

#2   Z. on 10.09.09 at 11:44 am

After all: I am happy knowing you are happy. Just like knowing others are so. So just go on as you will, always be happy and feel the blessing.

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