There is something exciting about clean slate. The potential it holds.
As a kid I used to ridiculously excited about buying stationary for school each year. All that blank paper, waiting for thoughts and ideas to placed upon them. Even now when I go to book stores, my favourite area is not the fiction shelves, the technical book shelves, or the magazine stand, it’s the stationary area. Particularly the notebooks, so many styles and all begging me to express my thoughts, ideas or projects upon them. It’s the same with buying a new computer, it’s a new piece of equipment with a spanking fresh OS install, I can plan how to organise my folder structure, trim down the installed applications to just what I’m currently using and my mind exudes a clarity that immediately fills with potential projects and Cool Things to do.
And so it is with my life right now. Despite the best of intentions, the whole “lets just be friends” isn’t feasible for my ex and me, at least not with some significant amount of time apart. So here I am almost at a place I can in some ways call a clean slate. Not quite yet though, I still have to finish this PhD I foolishly committed to some 3 years ago. Purely by being in the same environment for so long has kept me from moving on due to so many memories over that time. I do immensely look forward being ALL DONE, then the world is my oyster, or at least my olive*.
There is one thing I might have trouble with though. The sheer limitless number of possibilities available when I buy a new book or computer often has me procrastinate for a long time while I try and weigh up my choices, trying to come up with the best plan. It’s difficult to overcome this block since before I start perfection is still a potential state for anything. I want things to be just right, and sometimes it prevents me from doing anything. I know it’s psychological, and that I should really follow Nike’s slogan: Just do it.
*since I’m potentially allergic to shell fish.
7 comments ↓
Go Joel!
Sorry, im not sure that’s the appropriate response, given some of the subject matter, but somehow the overall message I got from all that was: ‘I’m about ready to go kick the ass of some random thing’ (in a ‘achieving currently undesignated goal’ way, as opposed to a ‘random violence’ way. Lets hope those two remain unrelated).
But yeah, Go Joel!
also, I know exactly what you mean about that stationary thing. The whole exercise of buying stationary was kinda fun for me as well, although I dont think i ever really seriously entertained the idea of taking school that seriously (silly me).
Allergy to shellfish! icky.
But then again, a lot of that stuff tastes a bit weird and fishy (how ironic).
Thanks bro! That’s pretty much the tone I was writing in. I’m bored with dwelling on the past and having it hold me back. Relationships have lots of great things about them, but I’ve basically been in one for the last 6 years, and I think that now I’m alone I’ll have a lot more time for personal projects like my music, business, and meeting new people! Or at least this is what I tell myself to feel better about everything
I’m exactly what you describe in so many things, I don’t know how to get rid of that perfectionism. Plus I also have the feeling of US as Zeppelin, many people I know just run to here, but recently I’ve started to think that there really is no need to.
Perfectionism is difficult to manage – but it does drive people to great things.
That whole thing about limitless possibilities was exactly the sort of issue I faced when I left college. What, of the many potential things I could do, should I choose to do?
In the end I did the “safe” thing and got a reliable job that I could succeed at easily.
While I don’t regret the overall outcome, I do think if I was given the decision again I would go for the less secure. more challenging options.
I feel like I was initially following the safe path by going to Uni and doing Computer Science and Biology. I knew it’d be in great demand in the future/now so there would always be a job available. The less safe options would have been to go into music or computer game making…
Now I just want to get an opportunity to try and build machine sentience!
I’m glad you posted this. The inspiring appeal of something awaiting your mark is familiar to so many people, as is the intimidation of making something less than perfect. Ultimately, of course it can never be perfect in the strictest of terms – it wouldn’t be human if it was. Regardless, it’s comforting to read this and know that we havebeen there, and will be back again. The cycle of it is part of the experience.
Leave a Comment