Goal overload

I’m a very driven person at times. At other times I fall into moody episodes where I just can’t deal with anything, generally this is called depression. I’ve slowly been able to manage it, the best part being that, even though hopelessness/pointlessness surrounds me, I now know as a truth that it will eventually come around. In addition to that there is regular exercise (stress release and endorphin promoting), Kung Fu (mental strength and calm), and daily St. John’s Wort.

But I still have moods. I think this is often to do with being too driven. I want to do everything in life, I want experience and achieve great things, but sometimes they feel so distant and remote that I give up, certain that I’m deluded to think I can achieve. I start to feel hopeless, and if I can’t experience and achieve everything I get immobile in thought and action, like a rabbit in the headlights. I become indecisive because my next action means everything, and yet seems like such an insignificant step.

So I will list my goals now, and then re-evaluate them at the beginning of next year. Since new years are meant to be the time of resolutions and all that.

• Complete my PhD – which is composed of many many other things like writing papers and conferences.
• Finish my DNA analysis program – although this will be ongoing I want to make a prototype and set up a website offering a trial version to labs until I have a version 1.0, also have to write a paper on this so that people have something to reference when they use the program.
• In conjunction with the above, start a business.
• Black belt in Kung Fu – I maybe being a little optimistic here, since I’m only yellow belt
• Run a marathon – missed the Christchurch one this year, but that was due to travelling overseas interrupting my training.
• Set up the ultimate home entertainment box using mythtv – arcade system, tivo-like behaviour in NZ, movie and music library, web browsing via remote.
• Become a rock star – In seriousness, I know this is unlikely and I’m not really on the right path, being that I told my friends I was too busy to be the bassist/singer. Sometimes I think that the above things like a PhD and starting a company is what people expect you to do to be respected and successful, and that I’m really just chasing an impossible happiness trying to acquire greater achievements. When really, just playing music and rocking out would be excellent.

I'm a very driven person at times. At other times I fall into moody episodes where I just can't deal with anything, generally this is called depression. I've slowly been able to manage it, the best part being that, even though hopelessness/pointlessness surrounds me, I now know as a truth that it will eventually come around. In addition to that there is regular exercise (stress release and endorphin promoting), Kung Fu (mental strength and calm), and daily St. John's Wort. But I still have moods. I think this is often to do with being too driven. I want to do everything in life, I want experience and achieve great things, but sometimes they feel so distant and remote that I give up, certain that I'm deluded to think I can achieve. I start to feel hopeless, and if I can't experience and achieve everything I get immobile in thought and action, like a rabbit in the headlights. I become indecisive because my next action means everything, and yet seems like such an insignificant step. So I will list my goals now, and then re-evaluate them at the beginning of next year. Since new years are meant to be the time of resolutions and all that. Complete my PhD - which is composed of many many other things like writing papers and conferences. Finish my DNA analysis program - although this will be ongoing I want to make a prototype and set up a website offering a trial version to labs until I have a version 1.0, also have to write a paper on this so that people have something to reference when they use the program. In conjunction with the above, start a business. Black belt in Kung Fu - I maybe being a little optimistic here, since I'm only yellow belt Run a marathon - missed the Christchurch one this year, but that was due to travelling overseas interrupting my training. Set up the ultimate home entertainment box using mythtv - arcade system, tivo-like behaviour in NZ, movie and music library, web browsing via remote. Become a rock star - In seriousness, I know this is unlikely and I'm not really on the right path, being that I told my friends I was too busy to be the bassist/singer. Sometimes I think that the above things like a PhD and starting a company is what people expect you to do to be respected and successful, and that I'm really just chasing an impossible happiness trying to acquire greater achievements. When really, just playing music and rocking out would be excellent.